Part 3 i learned pain... There are many things that changed for me in the past 3 months. My outlook...

Part 3 i learned pain... There are many things that changed for me in the past 3 months. My outlook on life was altered significantly because choosing transparency- September 27, 2018 forced me to face my mortality. I am sparing myself and my sons the sharing of complete details, because anyway i know that you are all intelligent. The fact we flew to Singapore on September 30, and on October 2 i went to a respected medical expert- an allergy, rheumatoid, and immunology specialist is enough of an indication that time was of the essence. My initial diagnosis here was alarming, primarily because all of the medicine i could take to battle the illness my blood tests indicated i had, they weren’t viable for me. The first 3 lines of defense NSAIDS (i am severely allergic to all), CORTICOSTEROIDS (contraindicated with my hypertension medication), and immunosuppressants (they may make a patient more prone to infection and my lungs are vulnerable, thus having an illness like pneumonia would be more serious for me, so the risks far outweighed whatever benefit they may bring) couldn’t be options. There is a quote i read, “What you fear the most reveals what you VALUE the most. What you fear the most reveals where you TRUST God the least.” I cried nonstop and so did Bimb. My main fear was that my 11 year old would not have me during those crucial mid-teen years. Kuya Josh is technically an adult and i have no doubt that his tito Noy will take him in. But what would happen to my bunso? There is no pain equivalent to seeing my child crying the entire night because he was made to face something inevitable yet a passage we as parents all believe would happen many years from now.

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