Part 4 Look what you taught me... it came out in my psychological evaluation during my annulment...

Part 4 Look what you taught me... it came out in my psychological evaluation during my annulment proceedings that i grew up equating a mother’s love with being a provider, a nurturer, and a protector. It also acknowledged that i had trouble sharing decision making because for all but 3 of my 38 years (i was 39 when the testing was done) i was shaped primarily by my mom’s central role in my life. She was by virtue of history forced to make our critical life choices and be the only person i believed had the right combination of love and wisdom that made me respect and trust her judgment completely. So for all of you saying that i am a difficult woman to love, i agree 100%. I chose this life, and my children know no other form of living. So many of us have made mistakes in the same way we have also been victorious over adversity... but imagine 100 million people having access to judge your life and give an opinion about your decisions? I have been taught by recent trials and triumphs, i can have most of my dreams come true, but not all of them. I go back to a conversation my Mom and i had when Bimb’s father and i were nearing the end of our union. My Mom said that unfortunately for me, regardless of how much we’ve progressed, successful women will still have to sacrifice a portion of their lives. She said to look into my future about what would really matter. And prioritize what gave me fulfillment. I knew it would hurt her deeply for me to not be allowed to leave my chosen profession consigned to oblivion, so i refused to be written off because i earned the privilege of crafting my ending... i do not ever want her disappointed that my boys aren’t financially secure, especially kuya josh. So on that matter i know that on my own i have been a hard working and generous provider... when she disapproved about relationships i’d chosen, she would tell me, “why are you undervaluing yourself and settling for temporary?” My autoimmune condition has no cure thus it requires putting my needs first. That’s why the prayer for a life partner was thrown out of my bucket list. i am perfectly and wholeheartedly CONTENT being a MOTHER.

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